Salvation Amy

So. This was a long week. A long week of speaking in support of something I care about. A long week of tugging on Superman’s Cape, spitting into the wind, pulling the mask on the ol’ Lone Ranger, and a week of messing around with Jim.

This week, an article about The New School appeared in our local paper. It was mostly accurate, mostly neutral, kind of cool. It appeared on the FRONT PAGE, for heaven’s sake. That was enough to send some people into a frenzy of twitchiness… MEL.

Then it started to get kind of ugly. Did you all know that there were some REALLY angry people on the internet? Seriously. Who knew.

When I was really little? My favorite music was from Man of La Mancha. Specifically, my favorite lyric? Was “to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go.” What this means is that, as a very small child, I had the combination of depth and idiocy that will likely carry me to my death. Seriously. I was probably three. It set me on the trajectory to weirdness.

Whatever.

So here’s what I tried with the angry internet people. Reason. Here’s how it worked. Not well. Angry people on the internet are very, very, angry. And they like it. So I would assume they were asking questions because they were interested. And so I would answer them. And they would say “WE WANT FACTS,” “YOU’RE IN A CULT,” “YOU HAVE DRUNK THE KOOL-AID.” And I would say, here are some facts, Kool-aid has refined sugar and artificial colors and it’s not good for you, stop calling me names, I’m not calling you names.

Then they would say “DISGRACEFUL” “YOUR CHILD’S LIFE IS WASTED” “YOU DRANK MORE KOOL-AID.” And I would say here are some answers to questions you’ve asked, here is why I decided on this for my child, I DON’T EVEN LIKE REGULAR SODA, LET ALONE KOOL-AID.

Finally they said, “Cult cult cult,” “disgraceful disgraceful disgraceful,” “How would a creepy internet person break into your child’s school?” I said - “Guess what? I’m Done. Nice talking to you. ” And another person said, okay, I’m going to try to answer your question, and they said “HA. GOTCHA AGAIN.”

Now there’s something new. And they’re being pretty openly threatening. HEY - they are saying - MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE AUTHORITIES ON YOUR SCHOOL. And I completely freaked and had to be talked down. And then I remembered I’m not doing anything wrong. But still, part of me? Is still in the corner in the Evil Miss MacNamara’s class, with Miss MacNamara in the doorway saying to the principal - This Is the First Girl I Have Ever Had to Put in the Corner. (And as an aside, even though Miss MacNamara is dead? Her zombie corpse is now invited to bite me.) The adult in me tries to talk the six year old off the ledge.

And then the adult in me fantasizes heavily about making a new user name, with no association to the school, and pointing out to these people how absolutely teensy weensy their penises must be. And the six year old in me kinda goes, HELL YEAH.