The Purge

I don’t like thinking of this as a cleanse, just because that brings to mind all sorts of posts wherein I discuss my colon at length. That ain’t gonna happen, although I am pleased to report less farting and an increased firmness of my poops.

Anyway – I told Margie that I was going to call it the purge, just because that was the only thing I could think of that sounded just a wee bit grosser than cleanse, and for some reason I can amuse myself by grossing Margie out, which is just horrible, because she is truly one of the nicest, most down to earth people you could ever hope to meet.

Whatever. It’s just this temporary change in my diet, wherein I can spend some time looking at my relationship with food. That does not make a good title, nor is it good shorthand.

I’m on day four of what the author of this book, Quantum Wellness (which I’m not linking to again, because I find it, on the whole, incredibly problematic, and I’m not sure how much trust I have in the writer, but some of the ideas are good. E-mail me. I’ll send you my copy when I’m done), refers to as “The Cleanse.”

The basic notion has to do with bringing an increased awareness to the table (get it?) in regard to our eating habits. That is only a small part of the book, and I’m finding the book really problematic, because although I believe the underlying premise is valid, the execution is just so, I don’t know. A lot of talk of “Spirit” and “putting intentions out to the universe,” or “to the ether,” or, whatever, that I just find so new agey and squishy that I find it off-putting. In addition I’m not getting a sense of ol’ Kathy’s credentials in this arena, and the science she reports is couched in the same sort of squishy terms that I find irritating. But the underlying premise, that wellness is a holistic body-mind-soul relationship, and that we have the power to make huge positive change in our lives with small shifts in our consciousness, that I do believe is true.

At any rate. End tangent.

In the process of this purge, I’m giving my body a break from certain things in my diet, in an effort to gain a deeper sense of awareness regarding my relationship with food. The reasons for this are multi-fold. First, I’m overweight, and would like to come to a place where I could care about that. My current and historical place comes almost solely from my mother’s voice in my head, and that leaves me feeling angry, unloved, disappointing, and rebellious. Not toward my mother, in particular, although therein lies the root, but just in general. None of those feelings are useful to a life that moves forward, and I want a life that is on a forward path. So I’d like a relationship with food that is about nourishing my body, and enjoying eating.

Second, I do remember my initial foray into vegetarianism being motivated by something deep within myself. There was a deep sense of adventure in seeking out intriguing sounding ingredients, and finding them delicious. There is also a sense of connection that I had then, briefly, with the building blocks of fueling my body, and the result.

There’s also the aspect of corporate America, and consumerism, which I know I am too much a part of, and which I’d like to disengage from. The initial vegetarian “convincer” was not about additives, or health, or baby bunnies, but about the incredible amount of waste that goes into meat production. It was Frankie Moore Lappe’s Diet for a Small Planet and it’s wealth of information between the energy cost of meat production vs. plant proteins that intrigued me then, and intrigues me still.

Finally, although I’ve always been, I think, fairly in touch with my intellectual/emotional and my spiritual life, I’ve always been completely out of touch with myself as a physical being.  I’d like to be just a little graceful, maybe slightly imposing, and, could I hope, coordinated????  And I feel like remembering and having an awareness of the connection between what I eat, and this vessel it goes into, you know?

So, thus far, this seems like a start.

The biggest pro of this stupid stupid book (a book touted on Oprah, no less, hang my head in shame), is that she talks about coming from a place without judgment about yourself.  And that part of it, in terms of what I will call “the Purge” is a wonderful perspective.  I’m just, noticing, you know, in those places where I’m not eating consciously, so instead of this sense of – well, you fucked that up, go ahead and eat some gluten and dairy, now that you’ve had that caffeine, it’s like – eh, well, that’s interesting, now, isn’t it.

What I’ve learned so far, I’ll go into at more length later, but for starters, the basic gist is spending up to 21 days not eating meat products, sugar, caffeine, alcohol or gluten.  Out of the last 4 days, I’ve had caffeine three, yesterday being the only no caffeine day, but then, you know, again, today, the magnificent David brought me a cup of coffee.  BUT, it was the only cup I had, as opposed to the usual 5-10, you know?  And if I want a cup of coffee, then I’ll drink a cup of coffee.  It’s not something I’m willing to cleanse yet, I guess.

Even with the caffeine, though, I’ve been noticing very subtle changes in the way I’m feeling, and they’re positive.

And for those of you who are tuning in solely for the snot report, what I’m starting to notice as a side effect of the neti pot is the cleaner my sinuses, the more chemically gross cigarettes are smelling and tasting.  NOT SAYING I’M QUITTING.  Just saying I’m noticing.